Description of a Woman
I don't write 'em, I just print 'em!
My sincere apologies to fellow females everywhere!)
Found wherever man is, but seldom in the highly reactive, energetic
single state. Surplus quantities in all urban areas.
Undergoes spontaneous dehydrolysis (weeps) at absolutely nothing and freezes
at a moments notice. Totally unpredicatble. Melts when properly treated,
very bitter if not well used. Found in many states ranging from virgin
metal to common ore. Non-magnetic, but attracted to coins and sports cars.
In its natural state the specimen varies considerably, but is often changed
artificially so well that the change is indiscernable except to the experienced
Has great affinity for Au, Ag, and C (especially in the crystalline form).
May give violent reaction if left alone. Will absorb great amounts of
food matter. Highly desired reaction is initiated with various reagents
such as C(2)-H(5)-OH and sexy aftershave. An essential catalyst is often
required (must say that you love her at least 5 times daily). Reaction
accelerates out of control when in dark and all reaction conditions are
suitable. Extermely difficult to react if in the highly stable pure form.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points. The reaction is highly exothermic.
The best results are obtained between the ages of 18 and 25 years.
Highly ornamental. Used as a tonic for low spirits. Used on cold nights
as a heating agent (if properly prepared).
Specimen turns rosey tint if discovered in raw natural state. Turns green
if placed beside a better specimen.
Most powerful reducing agent known to man (income and ego). Highly explosive
in inexperienced hands. Specimen must be used with great care if experiments
are to succeed. It is illegal to posess more than one permanent specimen,
although a certain amount of exchange is permitted.