You Might be a Chemical Engineer If...

You have a favorite pump manufacturer
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
You can size distillation columns in your head, but need a pencil and paper to figure the tip on a $45 restaurant bill... ...and think that spending $45 for dinner is exorbitant
You see a good design and still have to change it
You can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
You know who invented Jell-O
The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you rush up to the front to fix it
You've modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
You think "cuddling" is simply an unproductive application of heat exchange
You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator
You've ever described your spouse in terms of MTBF
You stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
You can name 6 Star Trek episodes
You've ever considered installing a scrubber on your chimney
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
You automatically associate the words "sexy," "beautiful" and "new butterfly valve"
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
You've used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
You have any of the following personalized items: Hard hat, Safety goggles, Calculator case, Slide rule
You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
You know the direction the water swirls when you flush
You've ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
A team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
You thought the concoction ET used to phone home was stupid
You cannot write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
You think the value of a book is directly proportionate to the amount of tables, charts and graphs it contains
You once burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
You think you look rather snappy in a tie and short-sleeve shirt
You'd really like to have a T-shirt that says "Chemical Engineers Do It In Fluidised Beds"
You've ever introduced your kids by the wrong name
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
People hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween time
You think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn't get enough sleep
Your spouse hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work
Your three-year-old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically
You've explained your position in the company to a junior engineer as "I am a vast oasis of knowledge in a desert of ignorance".
You lost your wedding ring for six months and found it in a box of brass tubing fittings in your desk
You and a buddy spend two work days customizing each engineer's phone ring so that you can tell them apart from anywhere-using cut-up lids from snuff cans and scotch tape.
You refer to your children as your "pilot units".
Your work clothes are almost as old as you are.... ... and so is your car.
You think of the Carnot cycle everytime you turn on your AC unit.
When you look at objects in the distance and think of mean free path.
You explain surface tension to your 10 year old when they ask why you are adding oil to boiling spaghetti.
You have a clock with inverted numbers that runs counter-clockwise in your office and you prefer it that way.
You make your own shampoo!
You pick your girlfriends by their gpa.
You refer to your wife as my.spouse@home.com
You have ever thought about how coffee changes colour in the body.
You read this page for the first time on a Saturday night.
You try to explain entropy to strangers at your table during casual dinner conversation.
You KNOW you are a chemical engineer if you've actually read this whole damn message beginning to end!!!!