You Might be an Engineer If... (Part One)

... the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

... you can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.

... you order pizza over the Internet and pay for it with your home banking software.

... a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.

... all your sentences begin with "what if."

... at Christmas, it goes without saying that you'll be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.

... buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

... Dilbert is your hero.

... everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.

... in college, you thought "Spring Break" was a metal fatigue failure.

... on vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel.

... people groan at the party when you pick out the music.

... the blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you like a tractor beam to fix it.

... the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

... the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.

... when you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on the salesperson talking with customers, you butt in to correct him, and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions while the salesperson stands silently by, nodding his head.

... you are always late to meetings.

... you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.

... you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say so out loud.

... you are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.